I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
