How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
