I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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