We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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