This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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