I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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