Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Send help, water and tortillas.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
