She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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