Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Randomize
