I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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