Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
