if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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