I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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