i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
