HIV tests are more positive than that guy
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I wish you could order shots online.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
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He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
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No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"