Who did Billy Mays play for?
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
I have a yeast infection.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.