I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
