the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
These 21 People Came Up With Hilarious Excuses For Their Hickies
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
You grabbed my dick don't call me son