As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I thought spray tan was a myth
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
This Twitter User’s Story About Meeting A Notorious Serial Killer Will Leave You Shook
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
20+ Wholesome Memes You Need In Your Life Right Now
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...