He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check