Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
10 Things Your Gyno Wants You To Stop Doing To Your Vagina
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
For Some Reason, Boys Are Singing The ‘Halo’ Theme Song In School Bathrooms
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.