just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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