Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
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It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
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