go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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