The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
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