Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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