New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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