why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
