Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Randomize
