It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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