You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
