I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
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You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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