I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
