I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
