wanna go halves on a baby?
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Randomize
