Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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