i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Say something about gay babies.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
