how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
my sisters under your porch take her home
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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