we need to drink 2009 down the drain
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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