Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
