do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
