well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
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