It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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