I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
