How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
