how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
And then my night got REAL pukey
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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