can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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