I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
