So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
