There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Randomize
