i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
