Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
