Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
