And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
