Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
tell me about the fingering
Randomize