I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I just want nice things and good sex
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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