At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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