My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
