i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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