Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
