My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
