I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
