Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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