I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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