How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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