the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
