when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
