Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
