I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
