after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
