So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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