and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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