Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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